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  • Lotus Magazine MC

yours truly, colette

This year has been different for me in comparison to my other years at Manhattan. I feel as if the way I'm feeling right now has contributed to how I built myself up this summer. When the summer started, I felt despondent. After a long spring semester of ups and downs, I was relieved to be home. However, I was still strung out in pain. The moment I arrived home, I felt surrounded by joy and love. Though a week later, I was granted news while at work that made me question my worth. I immediately jumped into working three jobs each week while balancing friends and family. I felt immensely drained after two weeks of being home.

After strengthening my relationships with my friends back home, I began to feel more healed from pain come early July. My effort with work and trying to improve myself as a person seemed to pay off. I usually get upset around my birthday, which is on July 13th. However, I was so content with my life that I didn't feel that way this year. This was one of the only years I was pleased.

As the summer went on, I started to attach things around me and saw the beautiful and hold meaning. I began to be grateful and fulfilled. The moment I came to school, I felt immensely anxious. I wasn't sure if things would be different this semester, so I decided to work on myself more. Since I got to school, I continued to try and see beauty in my surroundings. This has helped me recognize the emotions of those around me. However, I've decided that I need to prioritize mine more.

This weekend was one of the toughest for me yet. It made me question my worth and left me feeling immensely drained. Now and then, I get intrusive thoughts such as this. However, I can always rely on my closest friends at school to be there for me and make me feel better. That is one of the blessings of my life and that I see immense beauty in.

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