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  • Lotus Magazine MC

yours truly, kyla

Sometimes, you just don’t owe someone anything anymore.

Even now, I feel incredible guilt by typing that sentence. But there comes a point in a relationship where trying to prolong it helps no one. However, usually both parties don’t recognize this, at least not at the same time, and that is a horrible position to be in.

I have a very complicated relationship with someone that exists in close proximity to me. It’s not the type of thing that can be easily avoided or politely dealt with. It’s been something that I have been struggling with for months, and a relationship that I entered with the purest of intentions.

But sometimes things don’t work out in a way that you feel good about.

I don’t think there is ever a relationship that can be categorized under one-way blame or fault. Despite rock-solid values and a killer moral code, you’re probably still going to crack one day. And I’ve definitely cracked (especially considering I don’t find myself to have an always-perfect morality). But I realized that some relationships will never be fixed and tied up in a pretty bow, no matter how many heart-to-hearts are shared over cold coffee.

It’s not our responsibility to change people.

It’s important to show support, to listen, to guide if we can, but there comes a point where there is only so much a friend can do. A friend cannot heal what is in another. I’ve been this person before, too, the one with the hurt. I know it doesn’t feel great. But looking back, no matter how angry I may have been with certain people, I know that I was the only one who could decide to work through things and change. No one else could do that for me, even if they desperately wanted to.

I face the opposite side of that now. I am the one that has closed the door and relinquished the responsibility. I hope she figures it out, I hope that one day she can look back on this struggle as something of the past. But for now, I need to step away. It’s not my place to make it happen for her.

This relationship has taught me the other side of the healing process. For many years, I was the one with a lot I needed to change. And while I’m definitely not done growing, I am in a much more comfortable place in my life mentally, spiritually and physically. And I felt guilty protecting that now, because it meant building a boundary with someone who is still struggling. But I think that there is a difference between abandoning someone and choosing not to enable a behavior.

I know that, at least in this case, trying to perpetuate this relationship would have made it even harder for the other person to choose to face herself. And that’s really what I believe will be best for her moving forward. And it is also what I believe is best for me in protecting the foundation that I have finally built for myself.

Despite what either of us may try and convince ourselves of, an unhealthy relationship does no good for either side of the situation.

And to her, from me, I hope you find the best for yourself.

Yours truly,



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