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  • Sydney Collins

yours truly, sydney

For me, this semester has been hard, and my usual reasoning of a discombobulation in the planets, stars, or lunar cycles is not giving me the answers I always take away.


Being more than halfway through this semester and more than halfway done with my college career, I have come to realize that this semester has been harder than any before because we have been practicing school under the guise of normalcy to a bigger extent than last semester, when we are still very much living in a COVID world. But, this guise of normalcy has made processing the feelings and notes of loss that have been at the emotional center of this pandemic extremely difficult and the culmination of all of these


It is important to remember that while this is life for now (and it is important to continue to practice every precaution necessary to protect each other and ourselves from COVID-19) it’s not normal life forever.


I do think that although immeasurable losses can never be restored, staying optimistic for the future and practicing extreme gratitude has brought calm in the waves of fear and doubt. But, recently I realized that it was not healthy just to beat down feelings of sadness and disappointment that I am missing out on memories that everyone seems to refer to as “the best years of your life” and to allow myself to sit with it. I consider myself a very positive person and have still had great times in these past few months.As with everything else that has occurred in the past year, sitting with your thoughts of loss and emotional embarrassment is not fun, but combining both loss and optimism brings about a stronger sense of self.


I think it is important and healthy to also recognize moments that were missed and lost, and times that were bad. For example, this time has tested everything I have felt about who I thought I wanted to be, but it has also given me the space to think about who I want to be. It makes me more excited to think about all of the different things I could do with my life and has allowed me to thoughtfully think about what I want to be, as well as who I want to be. Starting from who I want to be and being able to transfer that into life aspirations has been more helpful than I could have imagined and giving me more clarity even in times that feel anything but.


My gratitude for almost everything in my surroundings has become a lot more pronounced: the warm weather has never been more welcoming, and the expansion of vaccine qualifications for college students means that these hopeful ideas for the future will soon be in the present, and Taylor Swift released two albums in the past year. Serotonin levels are on the rise baaaaaby!!


So, to keep on brand. In the words of Taylor Swift “Clover blooms in the fields, Spring breaks loose, the time is near.”


yours truly,

sydney


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