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  • Lotus Magazine MC

yours truly, angelica

Two months.

Two months until graduation and I’m not sure where I will be.

I fantasize about running away to travel, talk to everyone I can, eat

unique foods and write about all things far away.

But, I can’t leave New York City. I am not done with her yet.

However, to stay I need money and a job and roommates and a plan.

I have the drive and hunger, but the reality is you need to make

connections to have a job. But the connections need to have open

positions to hire you. No one gets those entry level positions that need

2-3 years of experience without any reference. But alas, I keep


I did this guided meditation recently where a woman encouraged you

to think about a place. It is a time after the point in which you were

stressed about. So, I closed my eyes and imagined.

Following along with the ethereal voice– my body transported outside

the earth and I watched it spin until it got to my college graduation day.

I think that day everything will be figured out.

I won’t be stressed about things that don’t matter like electives or

clubs or jobs, because I will be full of joy that I did it.

I completed my degree and I made the most of my four years. I made

it out of the pandemic lockdown, with best friends and really good

memories. I can feel my cheeks hurting from grinning for pictures on

the quad and the sun beaming on my cap and gown. Group photos

will turn into picture frames and everyone will remember the class of

2024. I will have done it and made my mark on Manhattan.

With every single fucking article I wrote and edited, every sister I

welcomed into my sorority, every drink I chugged at Fens and Beal,

every dance move I embarrassed myself with at the frat, and every

lamb over rice and iced coffee I ordered at Jdel.

Then nothing else will matter. Hopefully, then I will be clear headed.

At least there will be a summer that ends without the promise of

school in September. Maybe I won't have a plan yet. And that’s okay.

I just need to be where my feet are and enjoy the moments of the last

two months.

Yours truly,



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