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  • Lotus Magazine MC

yours truly, ivy

Today I turned 20 years old. It’s funny because ten years ago I was thrilled to have hit double digits! It was the first checkmark to becoming “a big girl” as Mom, Dad and everyone used to tell me— even though I know it is my father’s last dying wish to keep me at five years old. Well, I’m sorry I can’t physically remain five or ten years old, Dad, but I make sure to live through that self. 

I turned 20 years old today in a city I thought would always be some distant dream. But here I am, growing everyday into the woman I have always wanted to be, a leader, a friend, a lover, and just a girl who makes mistakes every now and then. 

I turned 20 years old today and for once, it does feel different, or more special than your average 18th or 19th birthday. This change seeps into me and finds its way into my thoughts everyday. I wonder when I will return home. Is my apartment in New York my new home? What is changing while I’m gone? Am I who 10 year old me wanted me to be? 

Finally, I turned 20 years old today. I have been waiting for this new checkmark to become a “big girl”. I am as strong, leading, loving, and girly as I can be today, and that is what matters. It is important to remember the things that matter the most to me, what makes home home, are not materialistic things, they are the individuals who have raised me everyday, and ground me even when I am not physically home in South Jersey. 

Mom and Dad, I love you with everything in me and cannot be more thankful for the best parents to lead me in this problematic world. You have taught me how to be this woman who can handle being 20 years old, on my own, in a city which still remains a dream for many. You have always had faith in me and all of my abilities, whether it was making friends on the first day of preschool, excelling throughout my school years, to sending me to a city most parents deem terrifying for their child. Your constant reaffirming words throughout my entire life have made me into who I am today, and I will forever be grateful. 

Yours truly,



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