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  • Lotus Magazine MC

yours truly, jilleen

It’s getting to be that time of year again.

I really want to be able to just watch the leaves change, go on long walks and relax into the changing weather. But I keep falling into bad cycles…

One of the cycles is Fenwick’s on a Thursday → staying out till 2 a.m. → eating an everything bagel in bed when I get home → feeling like a tired mess the next day when I’m trying to get to my 11 a.m. class.

Another cycle involves Lotus. Anytime I sit down to do work, my mind drifts to the magazine and I wonder if there is anything that hasn’t gotten done yet. Then I neglect my homework.

I cycle through my thoughts, too. I had been better about this but lately, I can’t stop letting my anxiety get the best of me when I feel tension in any of my relationships.

I fall into these bad cycles at this time of year for a few reasons. One, it’s the post-midterms rush. For some people, test weeks are the worst parts of their semester, but for me, it’s the time in between midterms and finals. It’s when the final production of the magazine is coming closer, homework is intensifying, stress feels completely unmanageable and I am getting significantly less sleep than I should be.

But it’s not just me, and I know that. Everyone is stressed this time of the year, with holidays approaching almost as quickly as deadlines and non-negotiable obligations seem to take up everyone’s calendars. So everyone’s stress levels are through the roof, and we are expected to kind of rough it out because we’re college students and this is just what it is.

My final cycle of this season is one I’m experiencing for the first time: one where I think about how stressed I am, and then remember that it’s almost over. So I feel better for a second, because at this time next year I won’t be worried about grades or other college-specific things. And then I feel worse, because I know how much I’ll miss this place when it’s time to leave.

I don’t know what purpose this post might serve to you as a reader, I just know I needed to get this out. I guess my point is to be grateful for your time at this college, because you only get it once, and be kind to yourself and the people around you, because we’re all going through our own cycles and dealing with our own stressors.

Yours truly,



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